It’s Thanksgiving in Riverdale which is a sure sign something terrible is going to happen.
Hils: Oh no Archie’s first Thanksgiving without his dad I’m crying already.
Wait, Hiram is Mayor now? When did that happen?
Lindsey: WAIT. HIRAM JUST GETS TO BE MAYOR
The Riverdale writers evidently decided they didn’t want to take the time to cover Hiram running for Mayor and instead Jughead’s voiceover just explains that he ran unopposed and is Mayor now.
Hils: Cassie from Buffy! Wow, they are cramming a lot into this opener
Azure Skye’s Darla is back, having last been seen trying to blackmail Betty’s family after Chic murdered her boyfriend back in season 2. She stands at the foot of Dodger’s hospital bed and vows revenge for whoever beat him up. One of Dodger’s gang members says it was almost certainly Archie.
Lindsey: And of course Archie is suspect number one in dodger’s beating
Hiram is back playing games with Veronica. I think deep down they both actually enjoy trying to one up and outsmart each other.
Hils: Hiram is amazing he might actually be my favourite
Okay, so I definitely thing he had Dodger beaten up but I think he’s going to try and have the community centre closed down
Archie and Munro announce that they are going to open the community center for Thanksgiving and provide a hot meal for all the kids who don’t have anywhere else to go.
Lindsey: Oh this is so wholesome. Thanksgiving dinner for all at the community centre
Hils: Fred would be so proud of what Archie is doing it’s making me kind of emotional
Lindsey: See this is why I think that Archie isn’t the hooded avenger or whatever
Despite the ominous ending to the last episode Jughead’s study group seems to be carrying on as normal. Chipping’s death was ruled a suicide due to alcoholism.
Lindsey: Oh so Mr Chipping killed himself because of alcohol. Really?
Jughead decides to mention his theory that his grandfather wrote the first Baxter Brothers book again
Hils: Jughead don’t accuse DuPont of plagiarism again. It did not go well last time.
DuPont at least seems a lot calmer about Jughead’s confrontation this time and simply suggests he forget about it over the Thanksgiving break.
Jughead suggests to Betty that the investigate Chipping’s death themselves since they will be the only ones in the school over the break.
Hils: Aww, Betty and Jughead solving mysteries together. Just like the old days.
Although I’m not sure discussing your plans while using a public phone is the best idea
Almost as though he read my mind, Bret is shown to be listening in on Jughead’s call.
Cheryl tells Toni that the oncoming ice storm is the perfect opportunity for them to dump her uncle’s body in the river and that by the time it thaws out there won’t be much left of him.
Toni expresses guilt for killing him and Cheryl assures her it was self-defence and that there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
Lindsey: Oh poor Toni. She does not look happy at all, and with good reason
Veronica provides a mountain of food to the community centre to ‘supplement’ the food that Archie and Munroe already have.
Hils: I know Veronica runs a diner and a bar but seriously how rich is she? This is the second week in a row she’s donated a pile of food to the kids
Munroe, rightfully, expresses horror at the idea that Archie is going to deep fry a turkey but Archie insists it’s an Andrews family tradition.
As predicted FP arrives and says Hiram, as Mayor, has ordered him to shut the community centre down while it’s an active crime scene coupled with it not being safe with the storm coming.
Hils: “I’m not supposed to say this, but screw him!” I love FP.
Betty arrives at Stonewall Prep and, of course, because they haven’t seen each other in a week they have one thing they need to do before investigating. Yes, it’s time to bang.
Meanwhile FP is frustrated at working for Hiram again, only this time in an official capacity. Alice says she’ll support him in whatever he decides but that there’s one thing they need to do first. Yes, the Cooper women are getting some tonight.
Veronica confronts Hiram who insists closing the centre was a matter of personal safety and nothing personal. Veronica pulls the tablecloth and the entire Thanksgiving dinner onto the floor.
Hils: Wow, okay, Veronica is a total badass.
Mary, much like all the other sane adults in the town, agrees that feeding the kids is more important than what Hiram says.
Hils: Oh no Mary is crying because she misses Fred and now I am crying
Lindsey: Oh god. Archie’s mom 😦
This is so sad
I’m glad they’re still doing the right thing by not forgetting Fred but it’s hard watching
Toni discovers that Cheryl’s aunt is spying on them. Cheryl comes up with a plan that, of course, centres around a Thanksgiving meal. Given how horrific the events at Thistle House have been so far I’m scared to even imagine what this will involve.
Lindsey: Oh my god Cheryl. Your ideas are bad ideas. Don’t do this.
Jughead theorises that DuPont threatened or blackmailed Chipping into killing himself.
Hils: Betty you have the serial killer gene and your sister is in a cult, but Jughead’s theory is ‘extreme’. Really?
As proof Jughead shows Betty two old yearbook photos of DuPont and Chipping wearing the same tie pin.
Hils: Of course Stonewall has a secret society, and of course it’s called Quill and Skull.
Betty suggests they get back in bed and order Chinese food because it’s getting cold.
Hils: Betty, no one is going to deliver food to you in the middle of an ice storm
After their meal was ruined by Veronica, Hiram and Hermione venture out into the storm and go to Pop’s for Thanksgiving dinner. Alice and FP evidently had the same idea and invite the Lodge’s to join them.
Lindsey: Oh is this going to be the most awkward double date ever?
OH IT IS
Hils: Well, this is going to be the most awkward Thanksgiving dinner ever
As predicted Betty and Jughead can’t find anyone to bring them takeout so Jughead suggests raiding the vending machine. Betty seems pretty excited to “live out my Charlie Brown fantasy of having junk food for Thanksgiving dinner.” Full disclosure: I’ve never seen A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving so I have no idea what she’s talking about.
While Jughead procurs snacks he catches a glimpse of something in the glass of the vending machine door.
Hils: Okay, that mask is seriously messed up. I thought all the creepy stuff was being reserved for Cheryl.
I mean that’s obviously Bret, right?
Betty, ever resourceful, hits the mask wearing person on the back of the head with a golf club.
Hils: I mean to be fair Bret has had that coming since the first episode
Lindsey: Sneaking around in masks in a deserted school is dumb. and I love that Betty’s pretty much calling them out on it
Darla arrives at the community centre and seems surprised to find that Archie is just a kid.
Bret, sadly, is okay beyond needing a couple of stitches. He drops what appears to be Chipping’s suicide note but passes it off as a writing exercise
Hils: Worst lie ever.
The meal with FP, Alice, Hiram and Hermione turns out to not be awkward at all and they decide to head down to the bar to toast Fred.
Hils: I keep forgetting they all grew up together
One of Archie’s kid’s informs him that Darla and the others are Dodger’s family. He confronts them and they say they are going to stay until whoever put Dodger in the hospital reveals themselves.
Archie quietly suggests trying to get into his office where he has a bunch of weapons he’s confiscated from the kids.
Hils: Archie, no. More weapons is not going to help.
Several kids stand up and confess that they are the man in the hood, in an effort to save Archie.
Lindsey: I’M SPARTACUS
In fortunate timing, just as Darla is about to shoot Archie the deep fryer with the turkey in it explodes. Using the distraction Munroe herds the kids into the office, Archie fights one of Dodger’s brothers and Veronica, ever the badass, stabs the other’s hand into the table with a fork.
Lindsey: Deep fried turkey to the rescue
Hils: Veronica is kicking ass this episode!
In the scuffle Mary gets hold of gun, declares her right to defend herself in the event of an intrusion, and Darla and her sons flee.
Hils: Wow, Mary is also a badass!
Mary: “Who deep fries a turkey inside?”
Who deep fries a turkey AT ALL
Cordial drinks doesn’t last long, when Hiriam can’t help but goad FP. FP snaps, smashes a bottle and holds it to Hiram’s throat.
Hils: I mean FP isn’t wrong I don’t think anyone in Riverdale would mourn Hiram’s loss
He’s probably getting fired for this though
At Cheryl and Toni’s Thanksgiving Nana Rose tells the tale of how the early Blossom settlers had to resort to cannibalism during a particularly hard winter. Cheryl then asks her aunt and cousin how they are enjoying their ‘meat surprise’.
Hils: HAHAH! I’m pretty sure they didn’t really cook up Uncle Bedford but this is amazing
When they realise that Cheryl is implying that they’re eating Uncle Bedford Cheryl’s aunt doesn’t believe her, so to prove that she’d do anything Toni wheels out Jason’s corpse.
Hils: This is so messed up but also kind of funny?
After finding Mr Chipping’s tie pin in Donna’s room Betty and Jughead confront them, suggesting they are covering up a murder or something else. Donna runs from the room and tearfully tells Betty that she and Chipping were having an affair and that she’d threatened to go to the headmaster if he didn’t end things between them.
Lindsey: Donna was having an affair with Chipping? Suuuure
Hils: I don’t buy this for a second. Wasn’t she also sleeping with Moose?
FP expresses his conflict over being a former Serpent and the sheriff. Alice suggests he do both.
Toni and Cheryl settle in for the weekend, having disposed of Bedford’s body in the river as planned. The pies, as we suspected, were nothing but lamb. As they kiss contentedly, the camera pans back to show the creepy Julian doll watching them.
Hils: Oh, Julian is a voyeur.
Betty agrees that Donna may be lying and suggests Jughead speak to the headmaster just to let him know that something is going on. As they settle in to ‘stay warm’ it’s shown that someone has planted a camera in Jughead’s room.
Hils: I guess Bret and/or Donna is also a voyeur
FP goes to check on Dodger, only to find him missing.
Lindsey: And of course Dodger has disappeared
Jughead tries to approach the headmaster only to find that Donna has already ‘confessed’. Which just confirms, in my mind, that it was a lie.
Betty has what looks like either a crime solving board, or a serial killer’s hit list on the wall.
Lindsey: Betty’s murder wall is quite the sight
Mary says that the fryer exploding when it did was Fred looking out for them.
Hils: Aww, I was making fun of the exploding fryer’s timing and I love that it might have been Fred.
Archie decides to put a plaque and a photo of Fred on the wall of the community centre, dedicating it to his memory.
Hils: And I’m crying again
Lindsey: OH A PLAQUE FOR FRED MY HEART
Overall a steady episode that moved the plot along and made sure that Fred Andrews isn’t forgotten at important times of the year.